Friday, May 31, 2013

How Do You Do It?

Our mom is very sad lately.  We is trying to keep hers good company.  Maybe if some of our great kitty friends can come over here...then we can all pile on top of mom and purrrrr and purrrr and purrrr.....maybe that would help?

~Carmine, Milita, and Jewel

Mom here: I feel like such a basket case lately.  I don't know how those of you who have/have had cats with kidney disease do this.  How do you stay strong?  How do you watch your kitty go through the ups and downs?  I've only known Jewel a few years, and she's only been with me a short time, but I've already bonded with her a lot, and I find myself just breaking down some nights and crying because I'm so sad!  I don't want to see her go to the Bridge.

How are you supposed to know when that time is here - when her suffering outweighs her quality of life?  Lately, she's eating hardly anything.  She sleeps and drinks, and that's about it these days.

I'll ask the vet what she thinks about all this when I take Carmine back on Tuesday.  I don't want to rob Jewel of ANY of her quality of life, but I don't want her to suffer any more than she has to, either.

Oh no, here come the tears again. :(

She turns 15 in June.  I hope she'll be here for me to have a party for.  I love her so much!

I am thankful that I've met so many kitty people who understand how much I love my babies.  I feel very blessed to have you all in my life.

I'm sorry for the depressing post.  I have a few new pictures to post this weekend.  I'm also sorry we've been so terrible about visiting everyone.


  1. We love our kitties and that is why we deal with the sickness. We don't like it, but it happens as their lifespan is shorter than ours. WE hate to see them in pain.When people say"you will know when it is time"
    that is true. One day you will look in their eyes and know.
    Just concentrate on all the good times you had and the love you shared. It will help. Chat with your Vet too.
    Hugs,kitty mom Nancy

  2. Don't be sorry about anything! We think you do a brilliant job of caring for all of your kitties.

    Taking on Jewel, who was so poorly is no mean task, it can be exhausting looking after a beloved friend. All you can do is all you can do, you are consulting with the vets, following their advice and giving Jewel love. Love is so important and we know that it's love that causes you to ask that question we all dread.

    Tillie, Georgia and Nancy the Mom give great advice, you will know. The quality of life issue is pertinent to an individual cat. Some general rules apply but each cat is so different. You know Jewel.

    When the times where Jewel is in pain, not eating, not drinking, unable to move about and not able to purr with pleasure out number the times when she is able to do those things, then that is the time when that question needs to be asked.

    Loving on senior cats goes a long way to making their time with us good. Making sure that you have the support of good, kind vets makes it easier for you to make decisions about Jewel's care.

    Don't forget to look after you too.

    Sending you a big hug.

    Jane the Ape xx

  3. You are doing a great job of taking care of Jewel.

    CRF gives you a lot of time to think and to second-guess yourself, more than a lot of other illnesses, I think, because CRF steals them away so gradually. It can be hard on a "how is she compared to yesterday" basis because it's such a gradual decline, and it can make it hard to realize how far she's come from the healthy cat you used to know.

    Tillie and Georgia are right. You will know. Talk to your vet, and think about the things that define her quality of life. Write them down, if it helps, so you have some objective measures to see if she still can do those things that you feel make her life have quality -- whether it's eating, sitting in a favorite chair by the window, or whatever. Over a long illness, it's easy to forget those things while you're focused on others, so that might help, too.

    It's hard, and we're sending you big hugs and purrs.

  4. You are going through a lot with Jewel and Carmine and we can feel your frustration and sadness. We know for sure that it comes because of how much you love them. THAT is something that you have control of. Love,love,love them, and don't forget to love yourself. Life is way to full of coulda, woulda, shoulda and blame. You don't need any of that now. Love with all your heart and know that it is all you need. Ask sweet Jewel to let you know what she needs. We'll bet the answer is just.. more love.

  5. We agree with what the others have said. The mom had a cat with CRF and she always asked herself was she doing enough for him...was there other medicines or treatments she should be giving him to make him feel better and keep him around longer. How to get him to eat more. She worried and fretted so much.

    But no matter what, keep loving her and like Everycat said, when she stops eating, drinking, walking around, using the box...then the question needs to be asked.

    Purrs to you...we know how hard this is. oxoxox

  6. Everyone said so many good things, we will just give you some hugs. All you can do is love them with all your heart while they are here, and you are quite successful with that.

  7. When you have older cats (or even younger ones) remember to tell them they are loved each and every day. That helps so much their quality of life when they are here, and gives you a bond with them that will eventually outweigh the initial grief of losing them.
    Yes, you will "know" when it is time. Each cat and each problem is different, so there is no way to describe it. But after three times, I can say, yes, you will know it. Because love outweighs anything else. We're definitely thinking of you! I know it's hard, but hang in there.

  8. I'm so sorry you and Jewel are having to go through this. I'm afraid I am not much help. Are you part of the CRF support group? You might find it helpful - there are others who feel just like you do. The link is

  9. We knew it was time with Autumn when she started trying to hide around the house. You'll know but I hope it's not until well after her pawty. Comforting purrz. Caretaking isn't easy whether it's for cats or humans.

  10. You are doing a wonderful job of caring for and loving Jewel.

    You will know in your heart. You will. And there is nothing wrong with talking with your vet about this. We trust ours very much, and know they are kind and compassionate. We asked them with our angel Graphite to be honest with us, and to tell us if they thought "it was time." I remember Dr. L. had tears in her eyes when she had to tell us that, yes, she thought it was. But really, we knew. She just confirmed it.

    Hugs, purrs and prayers to you.

  11. It is hard when you love someone so much... just remember that when it's time, you'll be making a choice that is meant to help her. It might not feel like it, but it's true. I agree that you should ask for a vet's opinion on the matter and see what they say. Most are pretty honest on the subject, but I have worked with one who I have a different opinion about... You take wonderful care of them! Jewel and the rest are very lucky! I also had a crappy day today... for other reasons, but on top of those my baby rabbits I've been caring for rapidly declined and then passed away =/

  12. It's very hard, but I have found that my kitties have somehow let me know when it's time: Not eating or drinking, unable to be comfortable, not purring anymore when being brushed or petted.

    Don't worry about "depriving" your sweet girl of time: your vet will help you decide. And a wise vet once said to me as I was fretting over "Is today the day or can I wait another day or few days" that "better a couple of days too early than a couple of days too late." That has really stuck with me.

    The other thing that has helped me in facing "that" decision is that the kitty is not fearful or dreading anything--that burden is ours. The kitty just knows you will love her and take care of her.


  13. When it is time for Jewel to go, you will see it in her eyes. Having lost nine kitties over the past thirty years between the ages of four and nineteen, I have recognized when they are nearing the end. I have not, however, had to ever have a kitty euthanized. I am praying for you, Janet and the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette. IF YOU TRIED TO COMMENT ON OUR POST "PAYBACK FOILDED" AND COULDN'T DUE TO THE CAPTCHA CODE, MOM HAS REMOVED THE CAPTCHA REQUIREMENT!

  14. Don't ever apologize for sharing your feelings. That is what we are here for! We aren't just here for the happy times, we are here to offer strength and comfort to each other in the difficult times as well.
    I wish I had answers to your questions, I wish I could ease the pain.
    I never had a cat with kidney disease but I did watch my 18 yr old gradually decline until he told me on his own that it was time. You will know, you just will.
    Sending you gentle (((((Hugs)))) and much love!

  15. This brought tears to my eyes as I am sure it has to other moms. My Robin passed with CRF and it was so terribly horribly hard to come to that decision. I had to. I grieved for years. With Admiral, I may have waited past the optimal time for as Spitty said, I wondered if this was the day or could we have another day. I finally had to face reality and it is so hard.

    I think what Everycat said is so right. When the bad times outweigh the good, a decision must be made for our babies' sake.